Really rough weeks

These past couple weeks have been difficult. Beware when you believe you stand lest you fall. I’ve had many angry fits. I’ve had resentment and unforgiving. At the end I question my witness, but it just reminds me that I’m not any better than anyone else.

In the midst of it all, I am surprised condemnation has not shown his ugly face, this is usually when we are weakest of all.

But it is when we are weak that we are made strong.

“Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.”

2 Corinthians 12:10 kjv

I have a portion of that verse tattooed on my back. It has been what God has said to me all my adult life. When I am weak, then I am strong.

Come to think of it, I am always confronted by my weaknesses, my inabilities to completely be right all the time. This is a big reason why I am also always strong. Because then I am reminded that I have not done anything without God’s love giving me grace, insight, faith, answering me when I’m at my worst.

I was visited by an angel tonight I’m sure who told me that there is nothing that I could do that could separate me from his love. Thank you father for your loving kindness, your mercy is new every morning and all day long.

“It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.
They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness” lamentations 3:22-23 kjv

I may fall, but the father’s love never will. I am humbled and astounded by the riches of his love. Great is your faithfulness my heavenly father. Now help me be like you. Help me never to forget how deep is your love. You give strength to the weary and comfort those who are broken. Amen

that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being,  so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth,  and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

Ephesians 3:16-19 esv

Healing

healing-waters-carol-cavalaris

This time in my life is really about healing. I realize that my lack of trust is pushing people/men away but do you know what.. maybe that is what my subconscious wants and needs. I cannot take any more pain right now, nor am I ready to really give my heart away. It needs to be healed. Sometimes being alone is really the best medicine though i rarely will seek it, as a matter of fact I kind of resist it.. being alone but deep down inside my heart knows better. I am not ready to let some people go yet… but we are never alone. This really is not just a time of “being alone” but rather it is a time of being alone enough in solitude to hear the one who’s love is true. His love heals me because it is real. It is dependable. Jesus never came to be served.. he came to serve. He came to love, he came to teach and correct, he came to bless.. he came that “we may have life and have it abundantly ” john 10:10.. he came and he died.. not really asking for anything in return. What did Jesus tell us to do really? Only two things had he ever asked us to do..#1. Love God with all your heart #2. Love people more than yourself.. when you learn how to do number 1, number 2 happens more naturally. I am still learning how to do both. We are not perfect, and guess what? We don’t have to be.. he takes us as we are. So being alone with the Savior of the world and our creator who is the essence of love, no wait.. he IS love…there is no better medicine. I am also learning that as i yield to him, do what he asks (i still need work in this area) then he can teach me more.. faster.. because he has things he wants to teach us.. but we cannot learn unless we get quiet.. Lord help me be quiet. Help me heal. Thank you for your healing power. Help me trust you even more. Amen.