Last year I had been set free from many fears, and also many toxic people. The Lord had given me a word from psalm 34:19 promising me that he would deliver me from all that troubled me. Then I saw a vision of him coming to me as a consuming fire and when he came upon me it was almost too much to bear, to be so close to his holy anger, but it was due to having a revelation of his love that I could endure. I also knew that his consuming fire would burn away all that caused me pain. I knew that anyone who caused me problems would regret it. This work that he began with me began from within me. God had began giving me revelations of how he saw my deepest thoughts and feelings and that those very things were what he cared about. I began to understand this past year how much God genuinely cares about us. This is where faith comes from. This is what Jesus spoke of when he told us not to be afraid or anxious about anything and then he spoke about the birds in the air and the lillies in the field, how neither of those creations strive for anything yet God still cares for them. This is the understanding that Jesus had when he touched people and they got healed. This was the love for people that he had when he died for them and forgave them. So I also experienced much rejection this past year from even spirit filled friends who even though were anointed and favored, also had their flaws. God showed me that again those who know him also stumble and fail. He removed everyone from my life who was unhealthy for me, whether they were gossiping about me or they were discouraging to me in some shape or form. I had identify with the scripture that said that God can make the rocks praise him, well he can also bring up the right friends from those rocks. The most impactful lesson I learned was to sit at Jesus feet and not rely on opinions of someone else, or on projects or anything else other than the words from his mouth to feed me. I was so weighed down by the words, thoughts, and opinions of other people that it was not making God happy. Even well meaning people, and he led me to just unfriend many and at the moment it was a little scary but later I felt the relief and understood even more why it was necessary. I learned about soul ties and how soul ties with anything or anybody outside the Lord’s guidance can truly weigh on the soul. I had an unhealthy relationship with a Christian man who looked good on paper in some ways but who was hurting me with his head games and it was poison for me. I finally let him go. Then I met my soul mate. We are courting and I am so happy to have met the man who God intended for me to be with. Yesterday as I prayed to the Lord about recent mistakes I had made he spoke to me and said, forget the former things. Forget the past mistakes you make. Forget the past ways of thinking and being and believing. Sometimes we are not called to figure out or fix but to let go and embrace God’s newness of life and his great mercy. Amen he has great things in store for me. I also submitted my first book for publishing and I was supposed to have my first copies by now. I expected them in November but I still don’t have them yet. I suppose I wasn’t meant to publish it until this year. I’m working on my second book as well.
So I have come across many people, especially men who want to control me, or change me. Today I realized the reason why this takes place. This is because they are afraid of a trait I have or don’t have that they think needs to be in place to have a successful relationship with me. Isn’t that true in all relationships? When a person tries to control or change you it is because #1 They are full of pride and believe that they know what you need and in essence are trying to play God, #2 They do not think you are acceptable the way you are. As for #1… no one is so smart or so holy or so perfect that they are equal to God and just because you have excelled in an area of triumph in your own personal life does not mean that you truly know what is best for another persons life, and people won’t like or appreciate your attempts to try to control them. #2- ok I get this, this means that you need to keep on walking brother. You like parts of me, but other parts of me not so much. Nope, if you are to be good enough for me, then not accepting all of me the good parts and the parts that are less than perfect, then you are not good enough for me. Yes, there is a place of correction, but this is not done in an attitude of controlling. We can pray and lovingly point out something to each other to help them, this is the way it should be. Help each other yes, but try to control a person and tell them how they should and should not be is something else altogether. You are not God, and I am not here to meet your needs or be in the place of your God in that I am not meant to meet all your needs, only God is. The way to deal with this is to observe a person and the way they are.. and you accept. Not try to change, just accept.. and then you ask yourself “is this person someone who really does it for me?” If the answer is not yes, then that is the way it is. Determine what sort of relationship you need with them and be real about it. Do not say “no I don’t accept so I’m going to help and pray for change” no, that is controlling and not a recipe for a long lasting relationship. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Not that your perfect fish will be perfect, but they should be someone you just love just as much for their weaknesses as you do their strengths. Someone who you “love” not for what they do for you, or how perfect they are, but because of simply who they are, flaws and all. Use that as a guide. It is not fair to the person who you are attempting to change either because that is surely not the love they hope for. Settling and attempting to change a person is the contrary to love, it is selfish.