Really rough weeks

These past couple weeks have been difficult. Beware when you believe you stand lest you fall. I’ve had many angry fits. I’ve had resentment and unforgiving. At the end I question my witness, but it just reminds me that I’m not any better than anyone else.

In the midst of it all, I am surprised condemnation has not shown his ugly face, this is usually when we are weakest of all.

But it is when we are weak that we are made strong.

“Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.”

2 Corinthians 12:10 kjv

I have a portion of that verse tattooed on my back. It has been what God has said to me all my adult life. When I am weak, then I am strong.

Come to think of it, I am always confronted by my weaknesses, my inabilities to completely be right all the time. This is a big reason why I am also always strong. Because then I am reminded that I have not done anything without God’s love giving me grace, insight, faith, answering me when I’m at my worst.

I was visited by an angel tonight I’m sure who told me that there is nothing that I could do that could separate me from his love. Thank you father for your loving kindness, your mercy is new every morning and all day long.

“It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.
They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness” lamentations 3:22-23 kjv

I may fall, but the father’s love never will. I am humbled and astounded by the riches of his love. Great is your faithfulness my heavenly father. Now help me be like you. Help me never to forget how deep is your love. You give strength to the weary and comfort those who are broken. Amen

that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being,  so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth,  and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

Ephesians 3:16-19 esv

Praise God from whom all blessings flow

I had been given a heavy blow the other day and it got me side tracked, slightly. Satan hits us where it can really hurt, and if there is someone who you get support from who helps you, then that relationship makes a perfect target. It hurt, it still hurts, but my troubles have never stopped God’s faithfulness. This is why we need to be surrendered, Satan will try us like he tried Job if God allows him, and God will allow hardships to test us. He will test if our love is true, but even more he shakes us to wake us up. His word promises to shake the earth (us) so that anything that is not of him will be destroyed.

And these words, “yet once more,” signifieth the removing of those things which can be shaken, such as things that are made, that those things which cannot be shaken may remain

Hebrews 12:27

So the final product should make us glad because our trials are like the refiners fire 🔥. If it ain’t the Lord, then it isn’t worth my time or devotion. That is why the Lord allows it.

Yet we praise God despite the hurt. We praise him because what he has is enough. We can count the blessings he has given to us. He has forgiven us. He has revealed himself to us. What I truly value about him is that people come and people go but the Lord always remains faithful,yes I Praise him in the deepest valley. I thank him in the desert. I trust him amidst the storm.

Not my will be done but yours be done father. Why so downcast, oh my soul, why grieve and worry and why be afraid. Someone else might abandon you but I will still provide for you. Hunger for my righteousness and I will make you warm. 1000 reasons to praise and believe in the goodness of God amidst the storm.

Feeling a lot of peace after some deliverance

Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.

Psalm 43:5

I will yet praise him for sure, I’m in love with you my savior and my God 🙌

Photo by Maksim Goncharenok on Pexels.com

Updates: love, marriage, and saying goodbye

Its been so long since I’ve visited this site that it seems to be a ripe time to check in. I’ve had many changes over this past year. I’ve met and married God’s gift to me. The very week that we went on our honeymoon I found out that my mom had liver failure and metastatic cancer and that she was going to die. Right after I returned from my honeymoon I flew back home to my home state to say goodbye to my mom. I got to spend 3 days with her, and on the third day as I was on my flight back home she passed away. I’m still heart broken. She was only 60 years old. Up until she died I always felt unloved and rejected by her, but now I regret not appreciating the love I did receive from her, even when it wasn’t much. I should have tried to talk to her more. I should have visited More. But I am grateful that I got to see her in her last days, I got to watch movies with her and talk about our faith. I got to hear her thoughts about dying and her wishes. I got to kiss her and say I love you. I wish I had more, but I’m blessed to have the Lord’s peace and assurance that she is in heaven and I still get to experience her from time to time. I appreciate the lasting changes her untimely death made on my heart. I’m happy that I had a change in how I see life and how I have reconnected with my family, it has been so long. It had been a slight challenge to our new marriage but its nothing we can’t handle. God gave me a good one. I’m so glad that God helped me learn how to rely on him because no one can ever take the place of the lord. A spouse is nice, companionship is nice. It is not good for man to be alone, yet when God is present we are never alone. So these experiences have began a new book in my life, one that is now colored by love, strength in God, church, family, the lbs coming home, eternity and grief. There is so much to tell about. It is as if my story has just begun. My mom passed away April 19th, 2021. I was married April 3rd, 2021. My book was finalized and went to the market the day before my mom passed away, or at least that is when I first noticed it was on the market. My mom never got to read it though I was able to give her my original copy, but that doesn’t matter now because she already knows what is in it, and what is to come. Maybe she’ll help me with my next one.

The verse that God gave me concerning my mom’s salvation
My love and I
My book listing Amazon, now available on Kindle

4/17/21

Little girls and their moms

A little girl reaches her hand up to hold her mom’s hand, “mom, you are the best mom in the whole wide world”. A teenage girl writes a note to her mom stating, “you are the most beautiful person I know, and I strive to be like you”. A young lady had settled to not ever talk to her mom again, after feeling pushed away, hurt and rejected, yet when her mom is about to die she holds her hand and cries, “you are too young, it is not time for you to die yet”. The warmth a young woman feels when her mom touches her delicately and says “I love you”, and gives her a big hug. There is no rhyme or reason to a bond between a little girl and her mom. This is from God. Cherish every moment you have with your little girls, make amends with your mom. There is no replacement for the love that can occur between little girls and their moms.

Natural Selection

saupload_rams

Today’s lesson is about natural selection.  Have you ever wondered why so many male animals must fight each other before the breeding begins?  I have.  The experts have concluded that this is “nature’s” process of natural selections, which they explain helps ensure that only the strongest and most viable male will inseminate the females for the best offspring.  At least this is how I recall it being taught.  While I am just as intrigued as the next person about nature, I also understand that this is not “nature” but rather it is God who has a purpose for everything.

Job 12:7-10 King James Version (KJV)

But ask now the beasts, and they shall teach thee; and the fowls of the air, and they shall tell thee: Or speak to the earth, and it shall teach thee: and the fishes of the sea shall declare unto thee. Who knoweth not in all these that the hand of the Lord hath wrought this? In whose hand is the soul of every living thing, and the breath of all mankind”

Job 35:11 King James Version (KJV)

Who teacheth us more than the beasts of the earth, and maketh us wiser than the fowls of heaven?”

God gave us rule of the animals of the earth, but that does not mean that they do not serve his purpose or are valuable as he cares for them and just as we reveal the glory of God, being made in his image, so do the animals of the earth.  There are many passages in scripture which explain to us life lessons related to how animals behave in nature.  One example is given regarding how the ants work hard (Proverbs 6:6), another is telling us to consider the birds of the air, how God cares for them (Matthew 6:26).  Since there is so many lessons about life regarding the ways of animals, then what can we learn about male competitiveness and rams? ??

…. As I considered these things, the Lord helped me understand something about himself as compared to the way of rams according to my understanding.  He showed me that two rams butting heads for the right to mate with the female, is like him and Satan butting heads over who wins the affections of our souls.  When our egos are at war with one another, when the carnal part of us is warring with the conscience, it is like two rams butting heads.  The beauty of this is that God has allowed us to have natural selection.  He doesn’t force us to choose him, but instead he will butt heads with Satan over you.  The stronger one always wins in the end.  Part of the natural process is that the one who we truly love the most will be revealed.  Hallelujah!

 

lions fighting

He Makes All Things Work For My Good- Bringing the darkness into the light.

hope-light-in-darkness

I often don’t even know what I’m going to say when I open a new blog.  This is the title that keeps coming to my heart, yet I don’t know what to say.  He makes all things work for my good.  This means that all the little things that we feel ashamed about desiring or maybe it is a personal struggle that really weighs us down, are allowed to be there for God’s purposes.  We don’t have to think that we are alone or fear abandonment by God for having these “light and momentary afflictions” because he is the Alpha and Omega, which means that he is ultimately in control of the happenings of our souls and we are not alone.  Don’t think that what you go through is so unusual, as a matter of fact it is a common occurrence to many believers, yet many are not at liberty to discuss it.  That is also the wonderful thing about shedding light in the darkness, because when the light exposes the darkness, it leaves.  It loses its power.  When we hide issues and truths that we would rather not be brought to the light, then instead of going away, they grow into a big ugly monster.  When the light illuminates what is in the dark, then it becomes small and powerless, and thousands of demons go to flight.  Demons cannot stand the light.  Their powers are in their lies.  As long as we allow them to stay in the shadows then they will pull us down into the their depths of despair.  Despair is not of God and cannot continue when in the light.  Bring the truth to the light.  Amen.

light-through-darkness

God Is My Husband

6a0133f5cc2a16970b01a511d44567970c

I have an issue with questioning who my future husband will be.  I inspect many people who come across my path.  I have always been husband focused.  I hate this.  It is a desire that never meets satisfaction.  I believe that everything will work out for my good, even the minor, more pesky challenges that I face.  Even this issue I keep having.  I believe that God uses this need within me to help me understand that he is my husband.  No, I don’t believe it is wrong to remarry and I know I will marry again, but this time I have a new purpose, and that is to please Jesus and have true contentment.  Not a life of my own making, but rather of his choosing.  As I keep asking, “who is my husband”, I am reminded of the way God showed my heart to me today and revealed to me that he is working on my behalf about diverse things.  Then I am once again reminded that God is my husband.  What does it mean to call God my husband?  It means that he watches out for me.  He is faithful to me and is thinking about me.  He understands me like no one else can understand me, and he is for me and not against me.  He is the best listener.  He is the most loyal friend.  He is there even when I don’t deserve it.  He cherishes me and tells me how much he adores me.  He gives me gifts.  He is Sovereign and reveals to me that he is in control and that I have to only trust him and obey.  God is so Sovereign, when I look upon this I have a deeper need within me met that wants to be submissive.  I want to let him lead me.  I want to be cared for and loved.  I don’t want to be mistreated.  God is truly my husband, and I can enjoy this union with him even better than if I was married to a carnal man.  Lord, help me forget about this need or put it in its proper place.  Amen.

Forgiven

To-Err-is-Human

I had a dream this morning that I was tempted and eager to give into that temptation.  As  a matter of fact I had made a choice to give in, but while preparing to give in to the lusts of the flesh, I briefly looked to God and prayed.  What happened next was that he closed the doors.  I could have pushed them open and forced the sin, but instead I went with it and accepted that God looked out for me and prevented me from sinning.  While laying in bed awake afterwards I was feeling the weight of my flesh desires verses my knowledge of what is right.  I hate the idea of is standing before God after I had knowingly given into sin, especially after all that he has done for me, such as giving me the gift of knowledge and many mercies.  How can I not stand there condemned?  I would accuse myself!  I don’t need Satan to accuse me.  Usually scenarios like what happened in my dream adds to my anxiety because I know better, yet I choose to engage in that temptation anyways.  But, in my dream God delivered me.  God has forgiven me.  I also think of all the people who I judged because they gave into their weaknesses and knowingly sinned against me or a loved one.  Here’s a difficult concept for some people to accept, God knows we are evil in our flesh nature, and he has chosen to forgive us.  Jesus died so that when I sin, it can be forgiven.  Does that mean that I or anyone should knowingly engage in sin?  No, we should not knowingly engage in sins, yet there are times when we will.  If it was not for his forgiveness, great love, and mercy then who could stand?  No one could stand.  I am just not good enough.  No one is good enough.  We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.  This is reason to praise God.  He loved us enough that while we were sinners he died for us.  Lord, please help me remember that forgiveness is necessary in relationships even when the other person lets us down, and that love covers a multitude of sins.  Thank you for reminding me that you love me despite my temptations and failures.  It is my desire that I won’t fail anymore.  Help me be stronger than I am, yet I am grateful that without your grace I cannot succeed.  It is because you love me and forgive me that I am able to stand.  Deliver me from evil, and from temptations.  Lift up my feet so that I will soar above the trials and not hit my feet on the stones.  I am righteous because you have loved me and because I said no even though I could have.  You want me to remember that.  I was tempted, but when you made a way out, I took it.  Thank you for making a way out.  Thank you for encouraging me that before your site and because of your great wisdom, I am righteous.  I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus.  Amen.  What the Lord is telling me this morning is that this is spiritual warfare, and that no weapon formed against me will prosper.  Hallelujah!

Forgiveness-Newsletter

Just Relax

stop

“Just relax”, is the advice that a few close friends have been saying to me.  How true it is that while we are trying to figure out the solutions to our many problems, that relaxing is really the solution that we seek.  We all really just want to rest, yet we think that worrying and rushing will bring us there.  Worry never brings rest.

There are many ways to find relaxation though.  One way to gain the ability to relax is by way of accomplishment.  Sometimes we are stressed because we have something pressing us that we want to accomplish.  This is actually a good anxiety in a way because it can be used to motivate us.  Sometimes I get chores done only because the anxiety that begins to build up and cause me to feel bad if I don’t.  These types of burdens can really weigh us down until we deal with them.  When we understand that the only way to bring relaxation under this kind of stress is through accomplishment, then we can seek to figure out how we can overcome.  When we have accomplishment, then we can have rest.

What about the times when we are unable to reach accomplishment though?  Like, what happens when accomplishing something is beyond our control?  Yet, the burden to overcome lingers there and we try to press forward, yet we just don’t have the resources?  What then?  Many of us encounter such barriers that prevent us from reaching that place of relaxation and rest that we seek.  These burdens seem to bring about shame, dishonor, and fear.  Sometimes it can lead to anger, frustration, and impatience.  Humility, trust, and patience are what the burdens are meant for.  Just as God saw that humans could accomplish anything when they worked together as they built the tower of Babel, and he stretched out his mighty hand and frustrated their plans, sometimes he frustrates our plans.  The reason being that the trials and testings of the life force us to slow down, otherwise we might spend all of our time and energy building something that really is futile after its all said and down.  The Tower of Babel was meant to reach heaven, however all that would had happened is that it would have reached high enough to take their breath away, but they would have never reached heaven no matter how hard they tried.  Sometimes it is what we are reaching for that will defeat God’s given purpose for our lives.  Maybe it is a God given purpose we are striving for, but God allows us to be slow downed so that we can develop some character as we wait.  “It is in the waiting”, God says.  It is in the waiting that we get strong and gain necessary perspective.

“You just need to relax”, they say.  I have been told this multiple times, yet I keep forgetting and continue to need to be reminded of it again because I keep getting ahead of God.  I was given a prophesy years ago by the pastor’s wife, who told me that God would grow me up fast, but to not get ahead of him.  Since she had told me this, I have always ran ahead of him.  I hate waiting.  Yet, running ahead is like racing to get to a red light or stop sign.  That stop sign comes whether we expect it or not, whether we like it or accept it, it comes.  Racing to come to a stop sign won’t change the pace of our distance, rather it just influences our restfulness.  Racing to get anything done is not restful.  We must run our race with endurance and assurance that as we do what God has asked us to do, God will bring us to the finish line, that this is not a race of quickness, but it is a race that needs to be finished.

Waiting on God is an art that leads to resting.  When we race ahead at high speed, it is because we are afraid we wont finish.  When we wait on God, and enter into his rest by not worrying about what we don’t know, and not focus on the finish line so much that we get frustrated and fixated on the reward more than the creator, then we slow down to the speed that will ensure that we will finish.  We rest because we have faith and believe that God is in charge and his plans are the best for us.  God, thank you for always being patient and reminding us of your truth, and your willingness to repeat yourself over and over again.  When we believe and obey, we enter his rest.

psalm-23-2-3

God Defends Me, I Am Not Afraid

god defender

Isaiah 37:35 KJV “ For I will defend this city to save it for mine own sake, and for my servant David’s sake”

Psalm 105:15 KJV  “Touch not mine anointed, and do my prophets no harm”

 

Many times the Lord had revealed to me how he punished a person who at one time or another had stood against me.  He always defends his anointed, in his own way and in his own time.  He had given me revelation knowledge maybe immediately after the person spoke or stood against me, or way after it had occurred which was always affirmed by its manifestation.

So why will God do this for me or another?  Is it because I am special or that he respects me over another?  No.  I am not better than anyone else, I am weak and human.  Rather, it is because I am anointed with his Spirit, and it is for his names sake that he defends his anointed ones.

His word makes it clear that he defends the weak, first of all.  Secondly, he defends what is right, for he leads us on paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.  When an anointed man or woman of God is walking under the inspiration of his Holy Spirit, then whoever offends that person is offending God himself, for whatsoever a person does to his anointed ones they also do to him.

God must defend his anointed ones for righteousness sake.  Hebrews chapter 12 makes it clear that God will punish those who he loves, so when a person acts out of line, or mindlessly speaks curses and is unjust in their dealings, then they are standing against the law, and they are standing against what is right, and God is righteousness himself.  He also defends and protects his bride, because he is a faithful husband, and we who love him are in covenant with him, we are his bride.

God even corrects other anointed men and women who stand against me when they are out of line, because what is wrong is wrong, and what is right is right.  God’s correction will surely come, but many will not be corrected because of their pride.  This is not right.  Therefore, it is necessary that in order for that person who is corrected, correctly, by God that they should receive it.  Don’t harden your heart, rather humble yourselves.  Even I am corrected from time to time when it is right.

Those who are anointed by God should be in step with God.  They should maintain a humble and malleable attitude at all times, because humility is the mark of a true servant of God, not pride.  The good news is that grief might last for a night, but joy will certainly come in the morning, and those who are corrected by the Lord’s rebuke will reap a harvest of righteousness (Hebrews 12:11).

If you earnestly seek the Lord and earnestly open your heart to his correction, then he will lift you high and honor you with long life.  Dear ones you anointed ones need not ever fear for God will defend you for his names sake.  This is why I don’t bother defending myself, because I know God will do it.  I know that those who speak against me without righteous heart motives will be dealt with according to God’s name, especially when it is against him.  I don’t fret, they are setting themselves up for their own downfalls, I rest secure Hallelujah.  Thank you Abba Father for defending me.  Your love is fierce and your justice sentence is always right.  You are glorious.  I praise you.  Amen.

psalm91