Its been so long since I’ve visited this site that it seems to be a ripe time to check in. I’ve had many changes over this past year. I’ve met and married God’s gift to me. The very week that we went on our honeymoon I found out that my mom had liver failure and metastatic cancer and that she was going to die. Right after I returned from my honeymoon I flew back home to my home state to say goodbye to my mom. I got to spend 3 days with her, and on the third day as I was on my flight back home she passed away. I’m still heart broken. She was only 60 years old. Up until she died I always felt unloved and rejected by her, but now I regret not appreciating the love I did receive from her, even when it wasn’t much. I should have tried to talk to her more. I should have visited More. But I am grateful that I got to see her in her last days, I got to watch movies with her and talk about our faith. I got to hear her thoughts about dying and her wishes. I got to kiss her and say I love you. I wish I had more, but I’m blessed to have the Lord’s peace and assurance that she is in heaven and I still get to experience her from time to time. I appreciate the lasting changes her untimely death made on my heart. I’m happy that I had a change in how I see life and how I have reconnected with my family, it has been so long. It had been a slight challenge to our new marriage but its nothing we can’t handle. God gave me a good one. I’m so glad that God helped me learn how to rely on him because no one can ever take the place of the lord. A spouse is nice, companionship is nice. It is not good for man to be alone, yet when God is present we are never alone. So these experiences have began a new book in my life, one that is now colored by love, strength in God, church, family, the lbs coming home, eternity and grief. There is so much to tell about. It is as if my story has just begun. My mom passed away April 19th, 2021. I was married April 3rd, 2021. My book was finalized and went to the market the day before my mom passed away, or at least that is when I first noticed it was on the market. My mom never got to read it though I was able to give her my original copy, but that doesn’t matter now because she already knows what is in it, and what is to come. Maybe she’ll help me with my next one.
I’m feeling it in the atmosphere, God still restores. I’m about to read the final chapter in my book that is a test copy. Soon enough it will be going to the market and officially published. It is God’s way to bless me with the grace that comes with the chapter he ledme to write. This one is about God’s restoration. Even as venture into this chapter God’s promises to restore me come to my memory. I am also going through the process of seeing many old strong holds flash before me and also troubles that are plaguing my fiance and God reminds me that he is going to bless me. He is going to restore all things to me. This is his promise to me. Not by might, or by power, but by his spirit he will restore. You are so good to me heavenly father.
I had waited for someone to care. Yet Jesus was there, and he cared. I believe that most people at least one time in their life look for and wait for others to truly care. Sometimes we are blessed with those who care, but other times it feels as if no one cares. Jesus always cared. Jesus always cares. Jesus is God in the flesh, God’s son, and the word that was with God from the beginning, and was God per the books of John and 1 John. When people care life is good, but what about when they don’t care? Jesus always cares, and he’s always cared. We were not made on accident, as a matter of fact we are considered the most valuable creations in existence. I was not an accident and you were not an accident. Jesus had your name on his heart when he hung on the cross. The bible tells us that it was for the joy that was set before him that he endured the cross and its shame. It was because of the shame you endured, so that someone could literally say that he has been there. You were never alone. You are still not alone. There is always hope as long as today is called today, and it is when we have come to the end of hope in this life that we are in a position to truly gain life. Jesus said blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of God. It was for the lost, the sinner, the sick, the poor, the fatherless, the rejected, the hated, the proud, the caring, the mother, brother, lover it was for us all that Jesus came to this earth, that his Father, our creator sent him to stand in the gap and become sin, to become shame, to become sick, to become rejected, and afflicted and poor, to be bruised so that we will know that someone cared, and has been there. When Jesus cared, he really cared. He didn’t just say it with a smile and vain promises to always be there, no he showed it that when no one knew the meaning of it, he by faith died for you and me. He cared. Look at the Father who created us. Behold the creator of this world and all life. He is loving. He is kind. He willingly gave up his son and at the same time his life because he cared. He is still there, he still cares. You are not alone. Thank you Jesus for Saving the world, that all who would believe on you and call upon you can have their names written in your book of life.
I often don’t even know what I’m going to say when I open a new blog. This is the title that keeps coming to my heart, yet I don’t know what to say. He makes all things work for my good. This means that all the little things that we feel ashamed about desiring or maybe it is a personal struggle that really weighs us down, are allowed to be there for God’s purposes. We don’t have to think that we are alone or fear abandonment by God for having these “light and momentary afflictions” because he is the Alpha and Omega, which means that he is ultimately in control of the happenings of our souls and we are not alone. Don’t think that what you go through is so unusual, as a matter of fact it is a common occurrence to many believers, yet many are not at liberty to discuss it. That is also the wonderful thing about shedding light in the darkness, because when the light exposes the darkness, it leaves. It loses its power. When we hide issues and truths that we would rather not be brought to the light, then instead of going away, they grow into a big ugly monster. When the light illuminates what is in the dark, then it becomes small and powerless, and thousands of demons go to flight. Demons cannot stand the light. Their powers are in their lies. As long as we allow them to stay in the shadows then they will pull us down into the their depths of despair. Despair is not of God and cannot continue when in the light. Bring the truth to the light. Amen.