Thinking On Things Above

I have struggled with clear thinking since I had a break out of OCD in my late teens. I think of this as a “psychotic break ” because that is what it felt like. Suddenly nothing made sense to me anymore..suddenly my ability to think clearly and have a “sound mind ” was gone and the fight to ever have peace of mind again had begun. Demons were with me fighting everything every promise and every peace producing word of truth that the Lord had ever given me. If you tell a psychiatrist or counselor this, that demons are there stealing your thoughts from you then in their educated teachings they most likely question psychosis. You are considered to have schizophrenia, bipolar with a psychotic episode, anxiety with psychosis.. they write in their assessment “delusional thinking” and this becomes part of your record. Im saying this because of my experience as a psych nurse so I don’t know for sure, but it is an educatrd guess. For this very reason I had avoided going to a professional for help. When I began having marital problems as a young adult, I finally did begin seeking medical help,and was eventaully diagnosed with OCD -obsessive compulsive disorder and eventually was given lexapro which is an antidepressant that helps treat anxiety. I will admit that once I started on Lexapro many of my “demons” began disappearing and I was able to think a little more clearly. OCD for those unfamiliar with these terms is a severe anxiety disorder in which you will have compulsions or as I referred to them as “demanding thoughts”. Every day I had a thought come to me that told me what I should do , dictating the choices Id make, and “demanding” meaning that if I didnt act on this thought I would suffer a consequnce. I would go into my closet and chose a red shirt to wear, but the compulsion to wear the blue shirt instead came to me, id try to ignore it but the fear rose up and insisted that if I wouldnt wear the blue shirt then something really bad would happen. A common symptom of OCD a person can have is excessive hand washing. They might have an irrational fear such as this that because they were dirty they had to wash their hands at least 10 times, following a strict routine turning the bar of soap exactly 10 times clockwise and counting to 30, 10 times…. each time. And if they didn’t do it correctly the first time, they had to begin again. This is an example. If you don’t do said compulsion, then the obsession or intruding thought would not go away, instead you will be fearful all day long of the bad thing that will surely occur since you disobeyed the compulsion to be clean. I also notice that most people who suffer such compulsions have a fear of being dirty in one way or another. I was afraid of being spiritually unclean so I responded by reading scripture, memorizing scripture, trying to obey every little word. Sometimes it manifested in other ways when i was cleaning, sweeping, praying. I often prayed to God to not let me die and go to hell this day. And I isolated staying to myself almost everyday so that I could focus on each task.

So now we have a concept of what suffering from OCD looks like. Over the years ive started and stopped Lexapro. Over the years I had practiced ignoring and overcoming compulsions so as not to be controlled by them, which I rarely get them anymore. Over the years I have had a slow renewal of the mind because I’ve had to learn what the true spiritual truths are. . From a spiritual Christian perspective I had to learn about the “spirit” behind the biblical truth because in my experience Satan certainly did use scriptures against me to torment me. I learned that there is a difference between obeying a law and living by freedom and grace. Over and over again we are told to not fear in the bible. We are told to cast our cares before the Lord. We are told that he cares us and loves us. Finally we are told that perfect love casts out fear, and that a man who has fear has not yet been made perfect in love. 1 john 4:18. When you are plagued with such torment, verses about being hidden and protected under our heavenly father’s wings begin to have real meaning and comfort to you. When you have non stop anxiety no matter what you do, you wake up with it, you don’t have to have a reason it just visits you and tries to dwell with you from the moment you open your eyes, then you begin to really rely on laying your cares at his feet. So what the enemy meant for evil had served to work out for my good in that the father’s promises had become my firm rock and foundation. Thank you father for such sufferings that have lead to my eternal good.

So the question comes back, was my suffering a product of imaginary demons? Or in fact did I just suffer from a biological medical disease that should be treated from a medical stand point? Well, I have learned through not only experience but also through education that people are not just physical beings, we are not simply carnal but we are also spiritual. So when we treat a persons illness the spiritual should be considered. As a matter of fact their is scientific evidence that treating a person’s beliefs will have physical results! There have been studies that show that prayer had decreased mortality in the test group who didn’t even know they were prayed for. You see people who want to rely on science and have such questions, have actually tested the spiritual effects by scientific methods.. and have been saved by it. We also know from a scientific stand point that our thoughts and deep beliefs effect our happiness and our choices. In the natural we refer to this is CBT or “cognitive behavior therapy” in which you treat a person by changing the way they think. This has been found to be the most effective form of mental health therapy in the field of mental health. On a spiritual level, God has also taught us the importance of our thinking. He tells us “think on things above “, “casting down imaginations and every high thing that exalts itself to the true knowledge of God” and to pray about everything “then the peace of God will come upon you”.. and that we are changed by “the renewing of our mind ” by the truth of his word. We also know that our battle is not with flesh and blood, but with principalities and powers in heavenly realms. So yes science has part of the facts right. The way we think and believe effects our mental and even physical health as even the bible tells us this. This is not new innovative knowledge. However what science does wrong is that it attempts to deny the existance of the spiritual. It attempts to deny the existance of a true spiritual being and it fails to admit that demons are in fact real and in fact do attack us on every level. Keep on working at it science, eventually you shall be advanced enough that you will finally catch up to what the bible says. … and these fools think we are the foolish ones ha.

Author: sweetgentlespirit

Through life's challenges I have learned that Jesus really is the only one who can truly satisfy. Through his grace I have already achieved so much, and wish to include you all in my journey as I continue to press on towards the mark to which I was called. I hope that you can identify and share in my successes and even my failures. It is also my hope that you will see what a day in the life of a spirit filled believer looks like up close and personal. May you be blessed as I am blessed, and may you share in my anointed grace. God bless you as you read.

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